COUNT REPS NOT CALORIES 2018 RELAUNCH
My name is Ariana and thank you for making it to my website and blog!
My motivation to relaunch my old blog (countrepsnotcalories) came to me last evening while watching Demi Lovato's documentary on YouTube. As she so transparently discussed her eating addictions, drug additions, and overall difficulties through her personal and professional life, I was instantly inspired. Having gone through a mild case of anorexia in middle school and a moderately severe case of binge eating throughout high school into college, I have experienced profound difficulties with eating and body image. And not that I ever thought it was just me, but my experience with these issues have been something that has served as an overarching source of pain, shame, and guilt. And reflecting back, a journey I want to share with all of you.
Since moving to Los Angeles last June, I have battled with my weight consistently. With a large influence from anxiety, my overeating significantly got worse over the holidays and my depression also hit hard. My weight began climbing, my anxiety continued to rise, and I felt completely hopeless and out of control. What I didn't know that I do now, is that intense anxiety can quite literally cause the body to hold onto (and continually gain) weight - in an attempt to initiate a survival mechanism of protecting and nourishing the body under stress. That being said, it was tearing me apart. Socially, professionally, and spiritually, I felt like I did back in high school and was shook with guilt.
Fast forward to today, and I am on my path back to success. My eating habits have greatly improved, my workouts have greatly improved, and my body is shedding weight. I am eating at least three meals a day, still enjoying a few glasses of wine when I feel like it, and not limiting myself to any one type of food. An occasional bite of a pancake or piece of chocolate is in my weekly routine and something that I actually enjoy look forward to. It is all balance. And although my story is brighter now, there is a continuous fear of falling back on my overeating and weight gain that I am always fearful of.
As Demi mentioned in her documentary, this is a lifelong struggle. Eating disorders take "no days off" and is something that many of us have to work at every single day to not only manage, but also strive and flourish with.
For me? I take on that hot yoga class. I bring in that incredible meal with ingredients that are mostly whole but more than that, feed my soul. I enjoy wine, chocolates, my favorite foods, but all in moderation. I look at fitness as not only a physical practice, but meditative and religious one as well. I still struggle at times when I look in the mirror, and continually am reminding myself that this is my body. My only body. And there's no point comparing to anyone else, with any other circumstances, it is just me.
Count Reps Not Calories is designed for my brother and sister ED recover(ies). It is for anyone who struggles to find the balance between health, and perfectionism. Clean eating, and eating what we love. Inspiration, and continually failing forward. I will be sharing my fitness progress, favorite recipes, fashion items, workouts, and snippets of my journey (failures and all).
Moreover, I look forward to taking this journey with you and hope you can find peace and community in this safe space of recovery and rebirth.
Photos by Darius Montel (@dariusmontel)
Outfit by Fabletics (@fabletics)